Autumn Wellness

Homer the Hunk

A wonderful story about a new extinct animal called homer the hunt A wonderful story about a new extinct animal called homer the hunt

Called Homer the Hunk

Homer lives in the Village of Hair

Homer the Hunk

By J F Ciofalo

Joe.ciofalo@gmail.com

Once upon a time, oh about 4:30, there lived in the Village of Hair a boy named Ike Hair. He had a mother and a father, Blondie and Curly Hair, and also a little brother called Gottno Hair. In fact, everyone who lived in Ike’s little village had the last name “Hair.” All the villagers grew their hair very long and very beautiful. That is something of which they were all quite proud. (Apparently, the woman who founded the tiny village many moons ago wanted it that way. For you see, she was as bald as your left kneecap.)

Be that as it may, Ike loved his home and his hairy family, but most of all, he loved Homer.

Homer was a very, tremendously, I wouldn’t kid you, honest to goodness rare animal. He was a cross between a horse and a skunk, known back in those days as a Hunk.

It seems as though Homer the Hunk was one of a kind, for no one before had ever seen the likes of him.

Ike luckily stumbled upon Homer one day when he and his father were out gathering split ends in the Valley of the Dark Roots. Ike took Homer back to the village to live with his family.

All of Ike’s family soon grew to love Homer, but the village elders looked down their noses at him. They did not trust anything they had never seen before. To them, Homer was a nuisance, but to Ike, he was a beautiful animal and a wonderful friend – even if he did smell a bit strange at times.

Ike spent all that summer playing with Homer and brushing his long black and white fur. One day, just before Hairloween, Ike was giving his brother, Gottno, a ride on Homer’s back. A man by the name of Mee-noke Hair approached them. Mee-noke Hair was the head of the village elders. He was just returning from Beulah’s Beauty Boutique, where he had his hair freshly de-wormed, de-germed, and re-permed. He looked stunning to say the least.

“Good day, sir,” said Ike, trying to be as pleasant as possible.

“That’s a matter of opinion,” grumbled Mee-noke. “I see you still have that…that thing with you!”

“Oh, you mean Homer,” answered Ike. “He’s not a thing. He’s a Hunk and I am going to keep him forever.”

Mee-noke Hair glared down at Ike and said, “We’ll see about that, now won’t we? Just look at him. Why he’s nothing more than a walking bag of smelly fur.”

At that moment, Homer turned around, lifted his tail, and swatted Mee-noke Hair right in his brand new hairdo. Ike did not know whether to run or laugh, so he did both. As he ran laughing down the path with Homer and Gottno, he could hear Mee-noke Hair shouting, “I won’t stand for this, I tell you! I simply will not stand for this! That beast will have to go!”

Sure enough, later that night, the village elders visited Ike’s parents, Blondie and Curly Hair. The elders told them that Homer would have to be sent away. Then Mee-noke said that Homer was good for nothing and a disgrace to the entire village.

“I can’t let them take Homer away ,” yelled Ike. “I just can’t!”

“Well, Son,” said Ike’s father, Curly, “then there is only one thing for you to do. You MUST visit the Wizard of Frizz.”

“The Wizard of Frizz!” declared the boy. “Who’s that?”

“Why he’s the smartest man in the entire Valley,” answered Curly Hair. “Several years ago he had an argument with the elders and they banished him forever from the village. Now he lives all alone on top of Mount Baldy. He might be able to help you.”

So Ike and Homer left their home together. They walked on through the Valley of the Dark Roots and past the Curling Iron Forest, until they finally reached the very top of Mount Baldy. There he found the Wizard reading Hairy Tales and eating onion rings. Ike told the Wizard all about Homer and how the elders wanted him banished as well.

“Boy,” said the Wizard, “Why, Homer is a FABULOUS animal and should be cared for and admired! If he truly is one of the last of the Hunks living in this world, his species could become extinct.”

“You mean we would never ever see another Hunk alive?” asked Ike.

“That’s right Ike,” answered the Wizard, “and that would be a real shame.”

“Ever heard of the giant Flying Rhino-Dino?,” the Wizard asked. “He was a real sight to behold with his purple horns and orange wings. Last one died about fifty years ago.”

“Wow!” exclaimed Ike. “Imagine seeing a huge flock of flying Rhino-Dinos!”

“Yes, they were really very marvelous creatures,” continued the Wizard of Frizz. “By the way, boy, care for an onion ring?” Ike shook his head no. “Now where was I? Oh, yes. There also used to be a flat-footed, bow-legged Chicken-Fricken.”

“A Chicken-Fricken!” yelled Ike.

“Certainly,” explained the Wizard. “It laid hard boiled eggs and NEVER drank water on Tuesdays. But, alas the Chicken-Fricken no longer exists either. So you see, Ike, you must ALWAYS cherish and protect Homer. He is a gift to this world and a faithful friend to you.”

Ike thanked the Wizard for his advice and started on his journey home.

As Ike reached the village, he found everything in an uproar! The Village of Hair was being attacked by the army of Babbling Barbers!

These Barbers lived in the desert nearby. They hated the people from the Village of Hair just because their hair was so incredibly long. Occasionally, they would attack with their scissors and combs, all the while babbling about the weather and their sore bunions. Naturally, the village elders were befuddled. They had to do something, but what?

Suddenly, just as the Barbers began clipping and yapping, Ike rode up on Homer and came to the rescue! Homer lifted his tail and sprayed all the Barbers with that wonderful, horrible, lovely, and stinky perfume known only to a Hunk. Well, of course, the Barbers ran off as fast as they could, holding their noses, and were never heard from again.

As for Homer, he became the village hero and was allowed to stay with Ike forever. All the people, including Mee-noke Hair, grew to love Homer and his interesting odor. And all this was possible just because a little boy really and truly cared for an animal, Homer the Hunk.

THE END